I confess that I like an easy target. In today’s politically correct culture it’s so easy to offend that I largely don’t worry about it. All the same, I avoid certain topics because I’ve known too many dyed-in-the-wool racists and I’ve seen what some people think is an innocent joke or comment actually just fuels a racist’s ignorance. I have to walk a fine line here you understand. That doesn’t mean I will avoid facts, research, and evidence even if it goes against political correctness. I’m actually deeply bothered by what we will and won’t talk about based on possibly offending someone. On the other hand, I love the one-off comment. I love “stupid by association”. Just like adolescent boys like to declare something “gay”, which they really mean is “gay = homosexual = stupid” which is a nice way of insulting the target of their jibe as well as an entire group of people. Again, this doesn’t quite work for me as I know too many people who are gay and they tend to have about the same range of intelligence as any other group. For me to go that route would just provide more encouragement for bigots and thus take some enjoyment away from me trying to goad someone. See, this is hard!
Now, as I stated, political correctness is not important to me. I figure I’m going to offend someone at some point so trying to go non-offensive only means I will write or say things that will bore me. I largely write everything for my own benefit anyway but I’d like to think my tens of readers would prefer a little entertainment as well. So thus I tend to make fun of fry cooks and Corolla owners. Actually, I have a broader range than that I just noticed these two groups have cropped up into my writing and conversations a lot lately.
Let’s start with fry cooks. Look, there is nothing wrong with being a fry cook in theory. In general though, most everyone I know who works in fast food is a miserable bastard. What’s funny, tragic, or possibly even ironic is that being a fry cook is largely temporary for most people. It’s a job you’ll do until you graduate high school or possibly college and then move on to something else. Too many people who work in such jobs act as though it is the sum total of their existence and the fact they have to tolerate such a position is somehow beneath them. A drain on their soul, crushing their spirit, blah blah, melodrama, blah.
At this point I would usually spout off “Get over yourself” but that would defeat my point. Instead I’m going to point out that even if life totally screws you, fry cook is an opportunity like any job. If you act like a minimum wage slave then you can’t expect much. Work hard, prove yourself, and maybe you can move up. Most people working in crappy jobs like fry cook or retail act so put out and really that’s what makes it so much fun to poke fun of them. The Mexican national whose residency is questionable working full time at Taco Bell to make ends meet is not a loser. The punk 17 year old with a chip on their shoulder that can’t get a job anywhere else because they have the work ethic of a sloth and is working for videogame money is a loser. At least they are if they treat the job like some insufferable burden instead of a potential growth area for their lives. I learned a lot by bussing tables and bagging groceries. People don’t get how those jobs tend to confer skills that will help you later in life.
I still think bagging groceries was the best job I ever had but since you can’t support two kids, a spouse, a mortgage, two car payments, and videogames out the ass I had to get one of those career things. Basically, making fun of fry cooks is me sending the message “Life’s not as bad as you think”. Wait until you face real pressure. Like your wife asking if you think some random woman in the mall is pretty. That is when mice are separated from men, and men are separated from their testicles. I’m getting off track.
Then there is the Corolla. Let me just say that if you own a Corolla you have purchased a sound and reliable automobile. You also have purchased the automobile equivalent of the generic brand of macaroni and cheese. The Corolla is great for people who can’t make a decision. I find it to be a little pricey for what it is. However, the Corolla is the best selling car in history. A runner up is the Ford Taurus, which represents everything I know about American made automobiles. Big, ugly, and unreliable. Think about that for a minute, at least the Corolla, though it’s been selling for like 200 years or so, has a long standing reputation for quality even if it is the size of a shoebox. I make fun of the Corolla because it looks generic and yet people will still pay to put factory extras like spoilers and ground effects on them. Look, you can try to make it look like a street racer but it really just looks goofy. You’d be better off getting yourself a bigger car. If you want something sporty and cheap there is the Hyundai Tiberon or the Mistubishi Lancer. Neither quite has Toyota’s reputation, but they’re still better than anything made in America.
Yes, I’m picking on domestic car manufacturers now. That is a rant for another day!
To get the point, finally, the Corolla is fine but thinking you have some kind of shit-hot automobile is just silly no matter what you do to it. The car is so common, and common looking, that it’s a fair bet you currently own one or have owned one.
In conclusion, I’m going to continue to pick on fry cooks and Corollas. You might think this is mean-spirited, which I might try to claim is untrue but I actually hope you do think that as it warms the cockels of my blackened shrivelled heart.
