Unfettered Blather

This could also be “Rollerboard disease” or “Rolling Bag Disease”.

Rollerbag disease is actually something that attacks many travellers, particularly business travellers but has been known to strike vacationers rather hard. The primary symptom is displayed when the affected individual has a rolling suitcase, often called a “Rollerboard” by flight attendants. The primary symptom appears to be a complete inability to pick up said bag for anything other than stowage in a bin on the airplane or on the shelves in a shuttle bus. Other than that the affected individual will always roll the bag. Even down the coach aisle where it gets caught on every 3rd seat and their seat assignment is row 50. They will roll that damn thing the whole way.

Rollerbag disease is mostly harmless but largely inconvenient, especially for anyone following behind an affected individual. Anyone with rollerbag disease cannot walk on an escalator and stairs are a particular challenge. They may also have trouble boarding airport shuttle busses if they are too high off the ground or too far away from the curb. Rollerbag disease is often accompanied by a secondary symptom where the affected individual becomes oblivious to the rolling bag following behind them, and thus routinely run into objects or people with wanton abandon and blithe ignorance.

In all seriousness, do you know how many crowds I’ve been able to get past at the airport simply because I was willing to pick up my damn bag and carry it up the stairs? Good freakin’ grief people!

I bag pretty hard on American Airlines, but I do have to admit that when I fly first class their service is excellent.

I’ve been flying twice a week since June of 2005. Every flight has been on American Airlines. Less than 10 of those flights have been first class. C’est la vie. Even so, I’ve started using my upgrades on my flights home Friday mornings, because it’s the easiest flight to upgrade on. I started paying real close attention to how the flight attendants would act and started to notice a pattern. The flight attendants were being really nice, really going out of their way, for me. It took me a few flights to notice this because my initial assumption was that they were just really nice to everyone in first class. That is somewhat true, they are generally polite and very attentive to passenger needs in first class, but quite a few of them have been willing to go that extra distance for me. Why?

On my last flight I started not only watching how the flight attendants treated me, but how the other first class passengers behaved. There was one major difference in my behavior versus the other passengers. Everytime a flight attendant did something for me, I said “Thank you” no matter how minor. I even said “Please” when appropriate. This seems pretty basic to me, but more than a few passengers just kind of grunt, nod, or use simple “yes” or “no” whenever the flight attendants look after them. I wouldn’t say the other passengers are rude, people in first class are far less snobbish than I presumed, but they don’t exactly go out of their way to be polite. There is definitely a certain conceit among regular business travellers and some people just can’t get over it.

So if you want that extra special treatment, if you want to see an already busy flight attendant pay extra attention to you, try some basic courtesy. The difference could be an even better flight experience.

I have been actively trying to deplete my upgrade account. To get from DFW Airport to Dulles Virginia takes 3 upgrades, despite the fact that the journey is 1172 miles. That means I spend one 500 mile upgrade for a segment that is only 172 miles. Kind of a gip right there. Still, I’m willing to do it because I see no point in hanging onto upgrades and it’s a good three hour ride.

What’s odd is the difference in treatment between first class and coach becomes a lot more stark when you start to consider that you are using essentially the same ticket when you fly either. So despite the fact that I purchased a coach ticket and used my upgrades I get royal treatment, but if I fly coach then I get treated like cattle.

I wouldn’t mind this so much if it weren’t for the fact that I don’t understand the difference in treatment when having those upgrades is American Airlines way of saying “Thanks for spending $400 a week on us. We really appreciate it.” One of the reasons why I continue to look for alternative means to get to my destination is because I get treated so badly by American Airlines’ personnel. When you fly first class, the flight attendants are always nice and pleasant, coach is a crap shoot. I know there are more of us in coach and I sure as hell do not expect that personal touch, but a little kindness and courtesy go a long way.

People like me are considered the cornerstone of American Airlines’ business, a mistake right there that is better discussed in a later post. Still, if they value our repeat business so much, why is it we must suffer unless we’re using upgrades. Worse, I put in for upgrades all the time that I don’t get, so I get treated poorly because they chose not to upgrade me? I mean, hey, I tried to upgrade to first class, doesn’t that count for something?

The fact is, American Airlines has me by the short and curlies and there is nothing I can do about it. By the time Southwest starts flying to Dulles I will probably be off this contract, and even then there is no guarantee they’ll be doing non-stop flights that are at a time that will allow me to spend time with my family on the weekends. Right now though, they are my one glimmer of hope.

You would think that with their higher prices, American Airlines would justify their ticket prices with better service. I haven’t seen it yet. I wouldn’t say they’ve been one of my worst airline experiences, but they are far from my best either. Which makes it all the more painful that I am stuck on their flights.

Just to add to the irony, just a few weeks ago I got a call from a recruiter about a manager at American Airlines that wanted to interview me for a position. I turned them down, politely. One of the reasons I like the company I work for now is that they believe in their commitment to their customers and they expect me to carry out that commitment with a high level of customer satisfaction. There is nothing wrong with a company demanding their people satisfy their customers. At one point, I bet that was even a norm. If American Airlines ever wants to get my non-business dollars, or even hold onto my business once their competitors start giving me alternatives, working on their customer service would be a huge start.

After all, they can’t stay in business on their first class cabin alone.

1. Your regular commute to work is on an airplane
2. You know the layout of the planes you regularly fly on.
3. You have “your seat” on the airplane.
4. You start to recognize the flight crew.
5. The flight crew recognizes you.
6. You ask the stewardess how the kids are doing.
7. Landings used to be white knuckle terror moments. Now the pilot can go into a steep dive and your biggest concern is if he’s going to miss his first approach.
8. Your only concern with turbulence is that it makes it hard to read your book.
9. You start rating the pilot on the quality of his landing. “8.5, he came in pretty shaky, but still managed to pull of a smooth landing except for a somewhat hard brake near the end.”
10. Instead of saying “buh-bye”, the flight crew says “See you later”.
11. You take a week off and one of the flight crew asks what happened to you last week.
12. You think noise cancelling headphones are “The best $60 you ever spent”.
13. When you get your gate and terminal number for your flight, you know where the closest restaurants and bars are without having to look it up.
14. When you walk up to the gate attendent, they tell you the status of your upgrade without you having to ask.
15. You have ever, even once, put your hand out to make the person in front of you think their seat was reclined all the way.
16. You shop from the SkyMall catalog.
17. When you hear about bad weather like thunderstorms, tornadoes, or hurricanes, you’re first thought is “I bet this means my flight is delayed”.
18. You’ve entered a level on the frequent flyer program so elite that an airline Vice President personally delivers the membership packet to your house.
19. You disconnect your home phone because you’re never there.
20. Your kids refer to you as “that person who sleeps here on the weekends”.
21. Participating in the “bring your kids to work” day involves plane tickets.
22. You start referring to going back to the hotel as “going home”.
23. The hotel staff knows you by name.
24. The hotel staff knows your room number without having to look it up.
25. You miss the evening reception and the hotel staff has saved you a little something.
26. You are stunned that there are people out there that have to pay for their own meals.
27. You balk at the concept that you can expense 4 beers for $16 at a restaurant but 12 beers for $10 at the grocery store is a no-no.
28. You’ll only drink booze you don’t have to pay for.
29. You don’t like to expense less than $15 because you think it makes you look cheap.
30. You favor assignments that offer “per diem”.
31. You know all of the backroads and shortcuts around the area that you travel to but have forgotten how to get to the Wal-Mart nearest your house.
32. Your personal automobile is the one you drive the least.
33. You have mastered the art of getting everything you need for a week into two bags.
34. You have conversations with other business travellers about your favorite airports.
35. You not only recognize the other business travellers, but you know which companies most of them work for.
36. You routinely expand your professional network at the airport or on the plane.
37. Your idea of a vacation is spending some time at home.
38. Calling your kids from a hotel room becomes part of their regular bedtime routine.
39. You are tired of eating out.
40. You have accumulated enough hotel points that you could live in one for a year.
41. You have enough frequent flier miles to fly anywhere in the world. With your spouse. Twice.
42. People start assuming your spouse is a single parent.
43. You start a betting pool as to whether your flight will leave on time for a change.
44. The ground crew is in on the pool.
45. The pilot “wants in on that action”.
46. When you go to a restaurant at the airport, the waitstaff asks if you want “the usual”.
47. Your roommate starts using your room for storage.
48. Your roommate has rented out your room.
49. You’ve found it’s easier to date someone in the city you work rather than the city you supposedly live in.
50. People you know stop asking “Are you still travelling?”
51. “What are you doing in town” becomes a normal greeting.
52. You’ve given into the inevitable and now go through security stark naked except for your boarding pass and a smile. Smile optional.
53. You’ve been flagged for a random check by security more than once.
54. You have ever ordered something and had it delivered to your hotel room instead of your home.
55. The maid service no longer knocks on your door before cleaning your room. They know when you leave and wait till your gone.
56. You would never buy a used car that was once a rental because you know how you treat them.
57. “It’s a rental!” is no longer a punchline, but rather a personal philosophy.
58. You refer to your briefcase as “your office”.
59. People at your home office refer to you as a “Road Warrior”
60. People at your home office don’t know what you look like.
61. You walk into the home office and are challenged by the receptionist when you try to go into the back.
62. You get a new manager at work and you never meet them face-to-face.
63. You consider a job that requires 90% travel so you would have more time at home.
64. You have enough upgrades that you can avoid flying coach for a month.
65. You fly an airline because they’re the only ones with a direct flight to where you’re going, then laugh when they say “We know you have a choice in air travel and thank you for choosing us.”
66. It gets funnier everytime you hear it.
67. No matter where you are on the airplane, you always end up at the front of the crowd.
68. People start following you in the airport because “You look like you know where you’re going.”
69. Airport employees ask YOU for directions.

“Ours is not to reason why, ours is but to work and fly”