Unfettered Blather

I have attempted weight loss many times in the past. There are many theories as to how you can lose weight and I’ve tried many different methods. Most of my methods in the past meant increasing the amount of exercise I participated in while “watching what I eat”. Yes, that is quoted for a reason. At best I might lose 10 pounds, then plateau, and quickly return to my usual 220. This was not working.

Oddly, my near drowning last year was not enough of a catalyst to get me where I needed to be. I was making efforts to get in better shape but the diet and weight loss were not forming. I was making great strides on my mile time but nothing else seemed to be working. Unfortunately, without the accompanying weight loss all the running was playing merry hell on my knees. Things were not getting better. I won’t go into details but the catalyst came February of this year. I realized that I was going to need a lifestyle change in order to lose weight.

The first thing to go was the gym, believe it or not. At every gym I’ve ever been to there are only two kinds of people. Those that are in shape and doing it to maintain it or those that are not and workout to say they’re doing something. Sadly, I was in the latter group. You can go to the gym every day, work out hard for an hour, and not make any progress. The idea of exercise is good, but as a weight loss plan it is a failure.

I purchased a treadmill to do my runs at home. I love using the treadmill because it forces me to keep a pace and I don’t have to deal with uneven terrain, which is hell on my ankles and knees. Not to mention it saves me time because I can just hop on it and do my thing. Long term I might want to add some weight training, but right now I just want cardio and now I can do it at home. Also, I can’t avoid it, the damn thing sits in my house where I see it everyday. The gym is easy to blow off because it is an abstract concept so long as I’m not there.

According to my research you have to burn 3,500 calories to lose 1 pound. A good intensive hour long workout is probably going to burn 500 calories. The reality is you’ll be lucky to hit 500 especially if you’re not used to working out. You need to burn another 3,000 calories in order to lose 1 pound, so where do you make up the deficit?

The average diet assumes a consumption of 2,000 calories a day. Anything more and your body is probably storing it as fat. You work out and burn 500 calories one day and consume 2,500 calories then you broke even. No weight loss. A platter of cheese fries is 1,930 calories by itself. A chicken sandwhich from a popular franchise is roughly 400 calories. Do you see where I am going with this? 2,000 calories is actually quite a bit, but with the wrong kinds of eating habits can be easily exceeded. To lose weight you’re going to have to change how you eat. This is where my problem lies.

On an average day I will probably do 100 calories for breakfast, 500 calories for lunch, and maybe another 700 for dinner. Hmmm….that’s 1,300 calories a day. Why wasn’t I already losing weight?

The answer is simplicity itself, I hadn’t really changed anything. I was still going out to lunch on a regular basis. Let’s say twice a week. Going out is easily 1,000 to 1,500 calories each time. Pizza for dinner every Friday. Again, easily 1,000 to 1,500 depending on toppings and consumption. I would snack on candy around the office every day and sometimes would buy stuff and keep it in my desk. I would estimate an easy 500 calories a day. I was probably averaging over 2,000 calories a day but I figure I wasn’t gaining anything either because I’m burning more carrying around the extra weight. In short, 220 pounds was my equilibrium. I have been heavier, for short periods of time, due to even less activity and greater consumption.

All I did was cut out snacking and I count calories. I aim for 1,500 a day, but anything under 1,800 is probably good. I’m losing rapidly. I only work out for 30 minutes and right now I average about 250 calories a workout. The workouts are for fitness, the diet is for weight loss.

Here’s the punchline though, my eating habits are still bad. I’ve dropped over 20 pounds already, which is good. That’s the most I’ve lost in a long time. At some point I’m going to hit my goal. What then? The good news is my body is responding better to food. I get full quicker, I feel worse when I overeat. The signals my body used to send too late or not at all seem to actually happen now. Unfortunately, to get that way I practically starved myself the first two weeks of my diet. When I started eating regularly again my body just didn’t want a lot of food. However, when I hit my goal, which is 50 pounds, then I have to reach a new equilibrium so I don’t creep back up to 220 again. I plan to still be running and probably burning more calories.

I wouldn’t say I’m a model, but a hard look at my lifestyle gives me an idea of why so many Americans struggle so much with their weight. You can’t just say “Eat less and exercise” because it’s really not that simple. Yes, that’s the foundation you’ll rely on, but that is all it is. You have to accept that your everyday habits must change.

Welcome, welcome to Blog Banter, the monthly blogging extravaganza headed by bs angel! Blog Banter involves our cozy community of enthusiastic gaming bloggers, a common topic, and a week to post articles pertaining to said topic. The results are quite entertaining and can range from deeply insightful to ROFLMAO. Any questions about Blog Banter should be directed here. Check out other Blog Banter articles at the bottom of this post!

My wife has never been an avid gamer. Over the years she has had games purchased on her behalf or participated in games with me if she’s interested. Honestly, she’d rather play Bejeweled or Tetris for the most part, but every now and again we find some common ground. There always seems to be a lot of angst from other gamers to get their wives or girlfriends into gaming. I think that’s silly, my wife doesn’t try to get me interested in scrapbooking or crocheting. I have, as an enthusiast, always been welcoming when she has wanted to try something.

I’d like to point out that there are no surefire “gateway” games. I hear a lot of talk about getting girlfriends hooked on the Sims, Rock Band, or other “girl gamer” games. I think that is the first problem. There are no “girl gamer” games. The way I’ve been able to get my wife to play games with me is largely driven by two things:

1. Our desire to spend time together
2. Her interest in a particular game

My wife has played Burnout 3, Pac-Man, Bejeweled, and most recently Are You Smarter Than a 5th Grader. Her tastes are eclectic, but that’s ok with me. If she has interests that diverse, how am I going to pin her down to a specific “type” of game to play? Also, do I really want her to become a gamer or do I want her to understand my hobby? Actually, the real answer is I just don’t want her to be jealous of my hobby. Having mutual interests is important in a relationship, but I think that more gamers could stand to diversify themselves. There are plenty of things couples can do and trying to get your signficant other to become a gamer seems self-serving. I honestly wouldn’t think twice about scrapbooking. I have neither the patience, skill, or inclination to learn. What I do focus on is making sure I spend time with my wife and still game. If that means I can’t rush off to play my new game as soon as the kids are in bed then I’m sanguine. The important thing is to keep an open mind, because I never know which game she’ll want to try next.

Other participants!
Gaming with my wife, You could be doubling alone, Next Gen Killed Our Gaming Relationship, Forced Perspective, From Gaming Geek to Heroes Freak, My Lady and Gaming, Gaming with your significant other, Gaming Together, Maybe?, Girl Gamers = Hawt, Gaming with my significant other, Move Over Hott Boy, I Want to Play, ‘Til Mongoose Mowdown Do Us Part

I like the idea of becoming a “life coach” but I’m not sure I want to make a job out of having people ignore everything I say. I’m already a parent and just having two boys who ignore my advice is enough frustration already. I’m pretty good at spotting a person’s problems, but since they are almost always the cause of their own problems no one actually wants to do anything. I’m not proclaiming this from some golden pedastal but speaking from experience. Once I realized that no one has done more to make me miserable than myself I became a lot happier. Unfortunately, human beings are not so good at introspection. We’re really good at spotting the flaws in other people but have this weird sort of selective blindness when it comes to ourselves.

Career mobility in technology is treated like some kind of Holy Grail that doesn’t exist. I honestly get treated like some kind of freak because I actually used to develop software but have held two different leadership positions that were entirely hands off and did it before I was 40 and without holding an MBA. Not to brag, but I didn’t find it all that hard. The problem with trying to be upwardly mobile in technology is that the skills you need to advance and the skills you traditionally use for your job are rarely found together. That is why technology has an “architect” path, so that people who possess excellent technical proficiency can use their skills at a higher level and leave the grunt work to the college grads. Still, true technology architects are rare but almost every business has a manager or supervisor at some point, and everyone wants to become a CEO someday.

I don’t think they really want to be a CEO, I think they just want the money.

I have people ask me what the secret of my success is. This is funny to me because I know what they mean but the real answer isn’t what they’re looking for. The secret of my success has nothing to do with work, but has everything to do with accepting my flaws and either embracing them or minimizing them. Yep, I said embracing them, because I know there are aspects to the person I am that I have no interest in changing right now. Maybe on my continual road to perfection when I’ve eliminated all my other flaws I can tackle them, but with so many other chinks in my armor I’d much rather focus on the ones causing me actual pain.

However, I don’t define success as a job title or a paycheck. Down that path lies madness. You want to climb the corporate ladder? You can’t do it by getting your MBA, a certification, or just being great at your job. The people I know who rose quickly up the ranks did so by working ridiculously long hours and when they weren’t working they were networking with managers higher then them. Their entire lives revolved around the corporation they worked for and everything else took a backseat. I mean everything. Wife, kids, hobbies, friends, entertainment, pets, or anything else you might enjoy now was nothing more than a distraction. They worked their butts off, grabbed every opportunity, made sure their name was heard everywhere, and often had to step on the backs of friends and co-workers to get to that next rung. You want to know why you’re not climbing the corporate ladder so quickly? You don’t want it bad enough.

I’m not saying you can’t succeed unless you sacrifice your life, I’m just saying it may not happen as quickly as you like. If that’s not your priority then don’t complain because you’re in your 30’s and your boss is 28. Don’t resent him because he works 80 hour weeks and you’re a ghost when 5pm comes. He could very well be a soulless automation, but unless you want to be the same there is no way you’re going to achieve the same level of success so quickly. Well, you could get lucky, but that’s not a career plan either.

All that is really irrelevant to my success though. The secret to my success is my family. I put my family first. I don’t mean like those people at work who use that as an excuse not to stay late and help the team. I mean I put my family before myself. My wife’s happiness and health is important to me. Making sure my kids are healthy and growing into stable human beings is important to me. I’ve changed careers twice to place myself in a better position to help my family, yet I’ve also been able to find jobs that I truly enjoy so that I don’t bring misery home with me. Putting my family first is one part, but making sure that I’m working at a good job is the other. Too many people toil in misery and never ask themselves if this is what they want to do. Too many people believe if they just work long enough that they’ll maybe get promoted and then it will be better once they get to management.

Heh. Sure.

Get your priorities in order. You work to survive, which means that sometimes the work has to come first. To support yourself or your family you’re going to have to volunteer to do extra tasks that put you ahead of the competition. You don’t have to live at work, because that would defeat the purpose. You are going to actually have to work though, and if that idea repulses you then I promise you will remain miserable. Also, you need to decide what is important to you. For me, it’s my family, for others it is their hobby, some people have animals. I’m not going to judge. What defines you outside of your job? I’m assuming this is a valid question because if you were a workaholic then you wouldn’t have read this far. Whatever defines you outside of work, whatever value it is that drives you must be adhered to 24/7. No one doubts that my family is important to me. I have made hard choices at work. Sometimes I have to say “no” at work, sometimes I have to say “no” to my family. All of this depends on circumstance, but I’ve made it clear that what I do is driven by my need to care for them. If you are driven by nothing then what are you toiling for?

If climbing the corporate ladder is important to you then you’re going to have to work a little harder than your co-workers. Your team mates might work by you side-by-side but that is also your competition for future promotions. You can achieve success without leaving footprints on the backs of others but to do so you’re going to have to rise above mediocrity. Everyone believes they are good at their job but very few people demonstrate it. If you routinely find yourself giving excuses for why you can’t do a task or why a task failed then how are you distinguishing yourself from your co-workers? Maybe that promotion isn’t what you really want and I’ll bet a pay raise isn’t going to bring you happiness either. Maybe the real question is, how do you define success?

On my desk is a leadership primer that was written by Colin Powell. I received said primer back when I was a consultant and prior to being in a full-on managerial role. Back then I was happy to be a team lead and felt I had found my calling. All I really wanted to do was be involved in technology and lead a technology team, software development being my preference. The other great thing about being a team lead, even though it is often an unofficial position, is that I was still “one of the guys”.

There are a number of people on my current team that I really enjoy spending time with. This always concerns me because I don’t want to play favorites. I have been burned there before when I was the favorite and then my manager moved on. Maybe I worry too much. I try to keep a professional distance but at the same time I want to get to know some of them better. I visit with people at work and I encourage other people to visit. I had one individual who would come to my office and camp out at times. While that could be annoying, I am extremely busy after all, there was something about their natural friendliness that made me reluctant to chase them away. I have another individual who is a hard worker, extremely good at their job, but also popular in their own right.

I fear people questioning my motives, I fear people’s perceptions, and I still have to be the boss to everyone on my team regardless of my relationship. I care about every person on my team so it’s not as though I feel nothing for anyone else. I just seem to click with these people and yet I feel like I have to keep them at an arm’s distance. For some reason I feel like I have to protect them from me, and considering how much heat I can draw that may not be a bad way to be.

Friendship to me is not to be taken lightly. I do not easily call someone my friend. I guess that is the gist of it. I may be forced to make a business decision some day that affects one of these people. I may have to discipline them. As a professional I can do that, but not everyone can keep professional and personal distinct.

The truth is, because I care for them and can do more good as their manager than as their friend I have accepted being lonely in order to better serve their needs. I realized the other day that choosing their friendship over business was selfish. They have put their jobs and careers in my hands and I have an obligation to do the best I can for them. It can still be lonely at the workplace though.

This actually makes a pretty good follow up to my last piece. I really only watch G4TV for Ninja Warrior and Human Wrecking Balls. The fact that there are other shows on G4TV is about as relevant as there are other shows outside of Mythbusters on the Discovery channel. I simply do not care. Still, I have browsed long enough to catch the geek eyeball traps they call programming and I am surprised at the base level cynicism that is levelled at their target demographic. It would seem that G4TV seems to think having a few hot chicks on a show is enough to rope in the lonely male gamer stereotype that they adhere so strongly to. Sadly, I think this strategy is working. I’m not criticizing G4TV for using lovely young women to entice single 20-something men to watch their shows. This is a tried and true television hook and it seems to work just as well today as it did 50 years ago.

My only real complaint is that I think G4TV is missing out on a real opportunity here. Not just to embrace a stereotype but help shatter it. Instead of just using women in the usual eye candy role, much like the hostesses of the Price is Right back when I was a kid, they are actually expected to interact with the host of the show. That’s fine, just don’t be so crass as to expect anyone with a brain and the ability to turn off lust induced brain freeze (Thank you, Dave Barry) for 5 seconds to actually believe someone like Olivia Munn is anything more than an aspiring model who was lucky enough to land a gig where she can trade on her looks as long as they last. I don’t have a problem with Ms. Munn, I simply don’t believe she is anything more than an opportunisitic wannabe hollywood starlet who is being leveraged as a cheap marketing ploy. Her tendency to dress in fanboyish outfits, such as an outing in the classic ‘Slave Leia’ costume, is a testament to the reliance of G4TV marketing of hoping their demographic is too busy drooling over Munn’s chest to notice they are being easily manipulated.

I actually would mind Olivia Munn less if not for the presence of Morgan Webb. Webb has cleaned up nicely over the years, though she was never bad looking she certainly did appear a little rougher and a lot less polished than Munn ever did. Even so, Morgan Webb is at least a legitimate gamer and displays how you can be attractive and yet still have a fairly geeky hobby. I also think she’s a better representation of the real gaming market. While G4TV is still set on the lonely 20-something can’t get a date demographic the real gaming market has expanded well beyond that. In my mind, Morgan Webb helps break the mold by being attractive and yet has real credibility as a gamer. Olivia Munn looks like she doesn’t know what to do with a game controller. There is a chasm between what these two women represent. Not to mention, once Webb got away from some of the “gamer look” stereotype she actually turned out to be pretty hot in her own right. I didn’t even recognize her at first when I saw the latest X-Play commercials. Not that there was anything wrong with her before, but I like the new look as opposed to the old stereotype of “I’m a girl gamer who happens to be hot but could be just as happy playing a videogame in the basement”. Videogames have moved into family rooms long ago. Webb’s current look may be more mainstream and less “hardcore”, but I like it. I feel like she has a reason to be talking about games. I feel like Munn is laughing behind gamer’s backs.

The biggest problem here though? No matter how cynical the view G4TV is taking towards gamers, so long as gamers continue to tune in for it this will continue.