Unfettered Blather

I’m not a big gamer or moviegoer these days. Once upon a time I used to play pretty much everything and watch just about anything that looked mildly interesting. I don’t have that much time these days due to the businesses I run so when I do game or watch a movie it takes time directly away from other endeavors or forces me to stay up well past bed time. These are reasons that I tend to judge things a little more harshly I suppose than I used to. That being said, I am looking for a good time and if I think something will offer that I give it a fair shot because I really want to have said good time.

I was up late watching Cloverfield and I must say the entire experience was akin to watching a well made Sci-Fi original movie. To those familiar with Sci-Fi movie productions, this is hardly a compliment. Cloverfield received billings as being a “post 9/11″ monster film. I suppose the world itself has changed since most people actually realized life isn’t peaches and cream when it comes to foreign enemies, but unlike the majority of the reviewers, I don’t give Cloverfield points for adopting this trite and cheap way to ellicit emotional responses. I see constant jokes about using 9/11 as a motive for terror alerts or the ham fisted insinuation that it is exploited to keep people in fear. I can hardly give the opposing viewpoint a free pass for using it to sell movies for emotional resonance without saying they are participating in the same behavior they so readily accuse others of.

So what is Cloverfield? In a nut shell the story is the Blair Witch Project with a giant monster thing terrorizing Manhattan. The story begins at a party where a sorry bunch of socially stunted wannabe New York socialites are holding a going away party for a tragically inept friend who sleeps with a long time friend and love interest only to avoid her after said evening causing a love cliche that will permeate and drive the actions of the cast for the duration of the film. So much for the claims the film is unique. Yes, this is a monster movie, bear with me, because I had to.

The surprise party they hold for this shaggy 20-something is shown from the perspective and narration of hsi obnoxious friend who films the event from a first person perspective. This setting eats up the first quarter of the film. It seems to drag on forever and the shaky camera style and lack of focus on any character for more than a few seconds makes you want to wrest control of the camera away from the narrator and beat his skull in for stupidity. This is where Cloverfield makes it’s first series of major mistakes. The characters aren’t very likable as in most films. They are cardboard interpretations of real people from people who have spent entirely too much time in Los Angeles and North Hollywood around fellow cliche riddle cardboard cut-outs.

While their reactions and actions aren’t all totally stupid (mainly because they seem to accept whats going on around them - take note science fiction movie authors) the simple fact is the painfully excessive party scene reveals them to be mostly shallow people I could never imagine myself being friends with. This kills the connection fairly quickly and instead of being a cheap and overused method to make them more human and approachable it only served to make me care even less about most of them if they had spared us the dithering and kept their stupid maws shut. One character is downright unpleasant from the first moment we meet her.

And that’s the next cardinal sin of the film. The entire film is recorded on a video camera with the overbearing shaky image approach which includes such grating things as:

Repeatedly dropping the camera
Random image switching
Lack of focus
Never focusing on one thing for too long.

While this is understandable to the plot of panicked people in extraordinary circumstance, Abrams didn’t seem to have the good sense to know when to let it go. In a few rare scenes it does actually work well to convey scale or terror. The bulk of the film abuses the above tricks in a near seamless rotation between them meaning at times when the camera should steady just a tad or give us a nice clean shot for the sake of the story, it doesn’t even manage to do that. Instead immediately rotating back to one of the listed cliches. The film never really balances this out to any satisfaction and comes off as overbearing and in a few cases (oddly enough in the moments not driven by panic) flat out disorienting. Even scenes where the characters are resting and trying to make sense of the situation, the cheap tricks just keep coming. It ruins what impact the camera aspect might have had. I pity any person with a equilibrium issues trying to watch it because it gave me a hard time.

The film ends in typical cliche modern Hollywood style where we are given hints about the monster, no real reason for the events and an ending that while expected drops on top of you. Cloverfield is one of those films that just ends and while you can see it coming the entire premise feels like a tease more than anything. You don’t have any doubts how it will end, they blandly state it at the first of the film, but getting there seems long and unnecessary and when the end does arrive you are given a sense of a terribly incomplete experience mixed with a certain pain for having endured the mess just to see if at some point they could bring it together.

In the end Cloverfield is a Frankenstein collection of film tricks and current fads, hailed as something it’s not, and thats inventive. The entire film is the application of a sloppy romance with transparent people set the tune of a standard giant monster story as a backdrop. Pretty much everything in the film we’ve seen before expect it makes no real attempt to make it anything more than make it feel disjointed to add a sense of supposed realism and at the end of the day it just feels like we’ve seen it all before, except in much better movies.

The only complaint I don’t have is with the main character’s near inhuman effort to save the girl. Most films suffer from making him indecisive and while still a pussy for not expressing his love for her and running away like a 15 year old from her in the first place, there is something to be said for a film where the main character will stride down a street with a 50 story tall monster at the end of it because it’s standing in his way.

Cloverfield has it’s moments but they are very rare and seemingly random events where all of the cheap tricks come together for a few brief seconds to make it work. At times I tired of the journey with these people, at a few you find yourself staring, waiting for what comes next. Overall the moments of interest are simply rough patches that jar you on a bland highway in some visual desert. Movies are about an entire experience but Cloverfield struck me as a collection of moments, some good, most off balance and a movie to me is something that entertains entirely, not in small, random spurts.

Look, guys, there just aren’t that many games as carefully crafted as COD4, but some of you would rather complain then just admit the other guy got you. When you were little did you go “Nuh uh” when playing cops and robbers and your buddy said he shot you? I’m betting you did.

First of all, let’s talk about the “n00b tube”. Every assault rifle can be equipped with a grenade launcher from the start? Why is this unacceptable but high level players who have unlocked the frag grenade perk, something that will not be unlockable to new players without a lot of play time, is ok? The grenade launcher gives them an equalizer to the high level players who like to throw frag grenades around like candy at a parade. There are disadvantages. You have to switch back to your main weapon to fire, where frag grenades can be thrown without going back and forth. You cannot “cook” the greande launcher. If you have access to other attachments you give up the ability to use them, unlike frag grenades. I get really tired of people complaining about it. I actually find it less obnoxious than the guys who are at whatever ridiculously high level gives you the triple frag grenade perk that go around spamming grenades all damn day long. I guess because its available to everybody at the start then it must be bad. It would be ok if you had to hit level 50 to unlock it, right?

Then there’s “Juggernaut”. Look, juggernaut does not make you invincible. The problem is that so many of you guys have played this game for so long you know exactly how long you have to shoot to kill another player. You shoot then turn away to the next kill only to realize the guy you were shooting at is still alive. As I told some other people who recently got the game, you need to keep shooting until you see experience points come up on screen. I’ve found this is 100% effective against Juggernauts or people who are using the “Last Stand” perk. (Last Stand lets you pull out your handgun and you have about 15 seconds to avenge your own death). What makes Juggernaut annoying is when I’m using a submachinegun or have switched to my pistol and they come whipping around the corner with a machinegun. I lose that fight everytime. Still, it’s part of the game. Good teamwork, good tactics, and a general philosophy of “shoot until they’re dead” overcomes it pretty handily.

Finally, “Martyrdom”. Man, what can I say. Yes, it is annoying as hell when everyone is pulling grenades as they die. Yes, it is extremely irritating when the entire enemy team has it activated. You know what? It’s not that hard to beat either. You can either get real good at throwing uncooked grenades or back out when you kill someone. It doesn’t take me long to figure out that a lot of people have it on and I adjust accordingly. Look, even if you’re going around knifing people you can still sprint away before it goes off most of the time. Martyrdom is annoying, but it’s not the end of the world.

Also, snipers. When are people going to learn how to deal with snipers? COD4 is probably one of the better games because of the killcam. When someone shoots you, you know where they are. If a sniper on the other team is picking you off all day long then you are clearly doing something wrong. Don’t keep jumping out into the same area so they can shoot you again! Snipers also spend a lot of time focused on what is directly in front of them. I hit three guys in a row who were lined up on one side of Creek trying to pick us off. I snuck around and just knifed them one by one. You want to annoy a sniper? Knife them in the back.

What surprises me is that you can make yourself invisible to radar and then use a silencer so you don’t even show up if you fire your weapon. No one calls this cheap but I consider these players to be complete bastards. Oh yeah, it happens to be my favorite setup. I love running around with a silenced weapon and the UAV Jammer perk active.

COD4 is well balanced. Try adapting instead of complaing.

I don’t like generalizing, I usually find the practice of lumping people in to large groups and them lobbing mounds of criticism on them a good way to dilute the point. As hard as I try to separate them, some people just seem to work at being a part of the crowd as a means of identification. I think the term is “well, you asked for it”

I hate high school football. If you love to talk high school football, generally we aren’t going to get along very well. I make a rare few exceptions for this with people I’ve known for years. Even they know I will be polite due to mutual respect, but they really don’t broach the subject around me because of my strong opinions.

I don’t care for team sports generally but I have been known to watch an occasional NFL or NHL game during the holidays or while at a party. High School sports however make me bristle. Why? Naturally it has nothing to do with the game per say but the people that support it and the manner in which it is done.

I treat sports like any other hobby people have. If they have fun with it, thats great, I’m actually glad they have something they enjoy and can share with friends. While we’ve all seen or heard the obnoxious sports fan being over enthusiastic, these people are actually the lighter side of the sport.

High School football in Texas is only half-jokingly referred to as a religion. People plan major portions of their lives around these weekly games and spend no small amount of time and money on them. I could choose the easy out on this and point out how much school sports wastes taxpayer dollars. A local high school often in the news for dilapidated classrooms and no computer lab recently built a monolithic sports complex. To call these temples isn’t accurate because most churches don’t spend this kind of money.

No, my issue is squarely with the obsessive students and parents. The reasons to justify this fanaticism often boils down to excuses tied to supposedly wider benefits and these are often held up as vitrues such as teamwork, community pride and tradition.

I’ve made it clear on many occasions that I feel teamwork as a virtue is total bunk. Teamwork is not a massive learning process that demands daily training to perfect. I’m flat sick and tired of even hearing “teamwork” as anything other than another basic skill that proves you aren’t a complete moron. I can honestly say I wasn’t taught teamwork, It was a simple byproduct of being smart enough to realize that working with others got me what I wanted. I think the single largest argument against teamwork as an virtue is the fact I know so many selfish people that can work well in a team. I can see and have pointed out the practical benefits of teamwork, but the association with football is aside from a skill, it supposedly makes you a better person. Has anyone met a lot of these players?

The next aspect is the skewed priorities. I’ve seen people spend major portions of their lives on games and planning. They buy uniforms, host parties, drive all over the state for games. I know people who can barely make ends meet but will spend the money to drive halfway across the state to attend a championship game to “support the team”. High School football shreds priorities terribly and draws emotional reactions from people who couldn’t care less if the sky was falling any other day of the week. The amount of money and the desire to associate as many of their family activities to this weekly ritual is just borish.

Nothing is more irritating than seeing people slavishly follow a sports schedule. Many people are all but inaccessible when it’s time for a school related sporting event.

The false sense of urgency over all this is just asinine. You just can’t miss a game afterall! The assertion is that it is of such great importance how dare you consider not going or showing up? I shudder when people adopt this about religion because of the associated shame and disbelief that follows others not sharing the same dedication, tell me this about a football game and odds are I’ll openly wonder if you need your cranium evaluated.

If teamwork is the “practical” reason, then the various community benefits and spirit are downright mystical. “Pride in the community”, “school spirit” These are euphemisms, words and phrases that sound pretty and positive, but generally mean nothing in any tangible sense. I’ve never received a satisfactory explanation for what school spirit was. Many of these people act as if they are doing a “good thing” by being present for the community as a whole.

I support my community by paying my taxes and not being a total jerk to my fellow man. If I want to help the community I’ll keep funding my local church’s food bank and Kiwanis club or help my friend at the parks department when a city event rolls around. Showing your “spirit” to me means you get to follow your obsession while claiming to do something positive for those around you as a rationalization, in fact, you aren’t doing jack squat.

The emotional investment to me is another sign of how silly this has all become. I’ve seen people cry over their local high school failing to make the playoffs. Actual tears.

I think the false sense of importance placed on all this is what bothers me the most. If you want to play, then fine, but lets remember this is a game, not an essential right of passage or a vastly beneficial learning experience you will get nowhere else. You aren’t a better human being for doing this, more important or accomplished. It is a game played for a short period during your time at an educational institution while you learn the essentials, nothing more. You can gain something from it, I won’t deny, but nothing as monumental as the people who obsess over it claim. If you want to enjoy a game, fine, but spare me the obnoxious insistance that it is something more.

I don’t typically link to posts from blogs on my blogroll because I have gone out of my way to find a site design that ensures they are quite visible to any visitor to this site.

I also know that people don’t always click on those links because there is this silly notion that just because I like something doesn’t mean it isn’t worth reading. Disavow yourself of that notion now.

I read This post on “Normal People” and it’s been stuck with me since. Knowing the way my mind works, I realized that unless I wrote about this or talked about it with someone I would not stop thinking about.

Ok, go read the post I just linked to like for real and then come back. Did you read it? Really? I’m trusting you now.

There does seem to be this misguided notion about normalcy and that normal people are “bad”. I’m not sure why that is, I have aspired to be normal for years. I think anyone looking outside into my life would think it is fairly normal. I’ve contrived it to be this way by intention. When you’re perceived as “normal” people leave you alone. Despite what you read here I am quite capable of hiding my emotionally retarded mentally deranged status in the real world. People who think they are “not normal” are usually some of the biggest conformist pricks you’ll ever meet. Indeed, some of the most interesting people I know are like me. Just ordinary folks trying to have an ordinary life who maybe haven’t always had ordinary circumstances. I suppose this perspective comes from when I was a teenager and adopted the attitude “I don’t go looking for trouble. It knows where I am and when it wants me it will find me.” As I’ve grown older I’ve seen this apply to general weirdness and freakiness in general. Also, there was a time when I most definitely did not lead a “normal” life. As someone who grew up in Austin, TX, I also was routinely around people who truly were not normal. After living amongst them and seeing what becomes of most of them as they get older, I’m not sure why anyone aspires to mental illness.

Wannabe freaks have got to be about as annoying as wannabe gangbangers. At least with the wannabe gangbangers, if they ever succeed in their ambitions they will be entering a lifestyle that will find them dead or in jail for the rest of their lives by the time they are 23. In other words, not my problem. On the other hand wannabe gangbangers are, in reality, mostly harmless.

Normal people don’t worry me. People who feel they are better than “normals” and think they have to somehow be different worry me. These are the same people who play MMORPG’s and think they should be the star. People who think they have a tortured soul despite their middle class lifestyle and 2 year old Corolla. Normal people don’t worry truly abnormal people because if you’re truly abnormal you don’t come up for air much. Seriously, I’ve seen the lifestyle firsthand. Normal people don’t want to be around people whose lifestyle is much different from theirs, and abnormals feel pretty much the same way. Chances are, if you’re worried about normal people, you’re really worried about people just like you.

Personally, I’m worried about people who throw $1.50 bumper stickers on a $15,000 car. We’ve all go our little hang-ups.

I’m back playing on-line and I have to say the X-Box LIVE has definitely helped me re-live all the fun and excitement I used to get from the PC.

I couldn’t help but notice certain behaviors that I think don’t quite accomplish what players are trying to achieve. Here are some tips and tricks that might help people think you’re an actual human being and not some kind of semi-sentient poo flinging monkey.

• Your cock is much more interesting to you than it will ever be to me. Incidentally, being male, I actually have one of my own so I already have daily interactions with it, quite often since I’m an avid coffee drinker and have to make the additional trips to the bathroom that go with it. As such, most of my personal interactions with it are purely business, as necessitated by normal bodily functions. If my own organ fails to get much attention from me, what makes you think I will somehow be more interested in yours? I’m quite happy with mine, it’s not like we can trade. I don’t want to hear about it, I don’t want to know what you’re doing with it, I don’t care where it’s been, and I sure as hell don’t need to see pictures. I’m so happy you keep a picture of it in your wallet. I’m sure it’s a big hit with the ladies until they realize that’s actual size.

• I don’t care about your supposed and completely unverifiable sexual conquests. I’m here to play a game. If I wanted erotic fiction I obviously have access to the Internet! No, I don’t think you actually had sex with my mom, and I would hope your standards would be higher anyway.

• I am sorry you have never actually touched a boobie. This is not my problem and I can’t relate. I don’t know what it has to do with the game we’re playing. I’m not sure what your obsession with boobs is, but surely if you want to see some you have the Internet. If the digital ones don’t do it for you then go hire a hooker. Either way, I don’t care nor do I want to discuss them with you, not even Angelina Jolie’s.

• I seriously doubt you can kick my ass. Please don’t claim otherwise. Of the people I have met that I think could kick my ass, most of them have better things to do than play games and claim to kick other people’s ass. Even people I have met that could kick my ass that play games don’t think they need to bother telling me they could kick my ass, they already know they can do it! I know a gamer who is a former Navy SEAL and at least 20 years my senior who has a look that says “I’d never threaten you, but yeah, I could kill you will my car keys” and he’d never say he could kick my ass. Chances are good that if you feel the need to tell me you could kick my ass in real life the reverse is actually true. In fact, the best way to make me feel less intimidated by you is to tell me you’re going to kick my ass.

• Please do not regale me with your opinion of how good or bad real life weapons are if your expertise is from handling them in videogames. Those of us who have handled actual firearms on repeated occassions and are trained in their use are very clear that the average videogame takes an 80’s action movie level of reality to firearms, even “realistic” shooters. I don’t mind this level of “reality”, we’re here to have fun after all and realistic modelling would make most games a chore to play. That said, if they ever make a game using Nerf weapons then I’m sure your hour has come.

• Do not think because you’ve played every iteration of Gran Turismo you are qualified to be some kind of expert driver. In the real world road surfaces vary in their level of traction, and cars give clues beyond the visual when they are on the verge of being out of control. Also, real cars do things like roll over or crumple into little metal heaps when they hit things at high speed. Every racing game is an “arcadey” racer no matter how it tries to bill itself. Your mad skillz in racing games translates to absolutely zip. Under no circumstances should you drive your Corolla like you would in a videogame!

• You beat me on-line, mad props to you. You may now take your victory lap, victory dance, victory lap dance, or tea-bag as you so desire. That is the extent of your gloating. Kicking the ass of a 30 something father of two who has maybe two hours a night to play is a real accomplishment, let me tell you. I will be really hurting the next day going to my private office at my high paying job while you tell your fellow fry cook’s about how “l33t” you are.

• Gaming existed before you entered the hobby and a lot of stuff you think is new and shiny has been around for awhile. A lot of “new and innovative” tricks were being done by earlier games that maybe didn’t quite get the same recognition from the press when it was done the first time. In short, I’m not jaded, I’ve just been playing longer than you. My lack of enthusiasm is not elitism or snobbery, but just flat out indifference. Just because I don’t share in your enthusiasm doesn’t mean I’m a snob. Be happy with your new “discovery” but lets get back to playing the game, shall we?

• Your jaded attitude about how everything sucks is really old. I’ve been at the hobby for over 20 years and I’m far from the oldest gamer I know. There’s a lot of cool games out there and while I may not wet myself everytime a new Final Fantasy is released it doesn’t mean I get to crap all over other people’s excitement or fun. Look, you’re in high school, maybe college at best, where despite your assertion that you are an “adult” and “mature” you have nearly every need short of wiping your ass is taken care of for you by someone else. Real adults do not get to take their dirty laundry home on the weekend to have their mom do it for them. When you get out in the workforce without a safety net, had your first layoff, find yourself with crippling debt, and your girlfriend dumps you for someone with a nicer car, then you can be as jaded as you want. Otherwise, the fact remains you’re well off enough to be playing games on-line. How bad can your life be?

• We all know what this is really about. Respect. You want it, you crave it, and you have no clue how to get it. You actually think that at some level, your behavior will get you respect. All it will get you is the respect of people acting just like you! Think about that. Do you really want the respect of a bunch of socially underdeveloped and awkward morons? This is not the behavior that lets you ride off into the sunset with the girl, this is the behavior that gets you punched in the face while the real hero rides off into the sunset with the girl. You want respect? Play the damn game, shut your pie-hole for two seconds, and attempt to form a sentence that has fewer than two instances of profanity in it. You will be amazed at how much more respect this will actually get you.