Unfettered Blather

Hello, my name is Jason and I read bad science fiction.

For the past two years I have subsisted on a regular stream of Warhammer 40,000 novels. I am not above occasionally reading a good book. For instance I’ve read anything about Scalzi’s Old Man’s War universe, including the Sagan Diaries. I paused in my glut of bad science fiction to digest Heinlen’s Glory Road. I am not so addicted to McDonald’s that I don’t occasionally want a fine meal. However, I make no excuses for my regular consumption of fast food for the brain.

I am not a Warhammer 40,000 player. I did the tabletop game in college for awhile, but the hobby is not unlike being a druggie. It’s ridiculously expensive habit and it’s self perpetuating. Your pushers are a conglomerate of Games Workshop and your local hobby retailer. Your overdose will come from inhaling too many paint or glue fumes, or perhaps you’ll finally make that one bad nick with the modeling knife when you’re in one of your hobby frenzies.

Regardless, even without my addiction, I found the setting fascinating and so I have enjoyed the novels. Let’s be honest though, most of it is crap. While you do get the occasional decent to good (at best) stories by and large it is mediocre crap that rarely strays from standard sci-fi conventions.

You name it, I have probably read it. From omnibuses, to short story collections, to individual novels. I have followed the adventures of space marines, imperial guardsmen, eldar, and even the occasional chaos plague. Granted, one sign that these books truly are crap is that they rarely stray far from stories about humans despite being in a universe populated with aliens.

I still enjoy them. I don’t read them from compulsion. I like them for the basic illogical escapism they are. However, the Warhammer 40,000 novels by and large represent fan fiction that has been packaged and sold at retail.

Take everything I said and now apply it to everything to do with the Star Wars Expanded Universe (EU).

I have met some EU fans and they can be quite rabid about their interest. I read some of the EU novels and comics, and I’m largely unimpressed. Some of it was good, at best, but most of it is by and large utter dreck. It really is the kind of thing you should only be reading if you just can’t get enough of Star Wars. There is nothing wrong with EU materials or consuming them. Get me? ABSOLUTELY NOTHING! That doesn’t change the fact that these are not works of art.

Let me point out some little problems I have with EU. First of all, they killed Chewbacca. They killed him basically as a cheap emotional trick to get fans talking and sell books. There was no point to it. In a universe so utterly contrived they could have just left well enough alone, but they killed him. Now, some of these story collections like Tales from the Cantina or Tales from Jabba’s Palace is actually pretty good stuff. Except they reinforce the idea that everyone in Star Wars has some kind of relationship with everyone else. As some fans noted, no one could be at the Cantina because they wanted a drink. Everyone had some kind of agenda, some part in an overall bigger scheme. You know what, I can’t think of the last time I went into a bar for a reason other than to get a drink or meet some friends. I have never visited a bar to plot to overthrow a planetary government or the like. Maybe that’s just me. Maybe I’m weird. Just sayin’.

Then there is the technological disparity. Superweapons are practically common in EU, so you’d think this weird alien invading race they dreamed up would be no problem. Hey, galaxy killing supervillians, we’d like you to meet our mass produced Death Stars and Sun Crushers. Of course, the reason why they introduced a new antagonist organization is because the canonical movies have pretty well devastated the antagonists we have grown to know and hate.

All of this is from what little reading I’ve done in the EU materials, which comes out to maybe two dozen books. That might sound like a lot, but they have literally published hundreds of these things. Luke Skywalker is married! Gotta have a happy ending for Luke. He is of course married to every fanboi’s wet dream, Mara Jade. Boba Fett somehow escaped being eaten alive and is still out there.

Ok, I’m going to quit picking at that scab, I think my point is made. EU is crap. Feel free to enjoy it. I enjoy my crap, but I can admit it’s crap.

I used to get mad at George Lucas for basically “wiping his ass with the Expanded Universe”, but when I step back and look at it I have to admit I understand why he generally doesn’t touch it and very rarely cherry picks a few things here and there. The other thing I have a problem with is the insistence of EU fans to fit everything into canon. From comic books, to novels, to videogames. Sorry guys, it’s just not possible. Why can’t a game just stand on its own? I’m fine with Republic Commando, I don’t need you to fit it into the canonical universe for me. I just don’t care. That is creepily obsessive.

Just enjoy your novels, your comic books, and your games. Quit taking it so damn seriously and admit why you don’t see awards being heaped on these materials.

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