Unfettered Blather

This is partially a response to “Walking Away From Violence and the follow-up Responses to Walking Away From Violence. This is not a follow-up in the terms that I agree or disagree, that I want to further debate or reinforce the points made by Nat at Button Mashing, but a response in the sense of what I’ve been thinking since then.

So that we can quickly move past the lingering question, my responses at Button Mashing were concern that it could be an over-reaction, since we as parents do tend to over-react when it comes to protecting our kids, and general disagreement that it was necessary or even the cause of the behavior manifested by Nat’s son. I don’t agree with his decision but I respect it. Weird, I know, to respect someone’s opinion without agreeing to it. Am I posting this on the Internet? I’m sure hell feels a little colder today. I truly believe that we as parents are gatekeepers of what our children are exposed to. We cannot, nor should we attempt to, insulate our children from everything that occurs in the world, but I believe it is a parental responsibility to perform due diligence in controlling what content our children are exposed to and when. What I cannot agree with and can barely abide by are parents who simply allow their children to play any game they want and often provide it to them. Many of these same parents who do not bother to filter what games their children play would not dream of letting that same child watch a movie that is rated “R”. Yet they will scream for legislation when they find out a game clearly rated for “Mature” audiences contains content they’d rather their child not be exposed to.

I have railed about this before, but Nat’s reaction and follow on actions certainly takes a stance of overwhelming responsibility. You can claim it is unrealistic to eliminate all violent videogames from the house, even if only played by an adult, but the other extreme is far too common and completely irresponsible. To be blunt, there is no excuse for not performing your duty as a parent. I especially hate the excuse “They’ll just go over to their friend’s house and do it.” How does that absolve a parent from their responsibility? Even if my son goes to a friend’s house, plays a game he wouldn’t be allowed to play at home, and then doesn’t tell me about it he at least knows he is doing something I don’t approve of. As a child, I did thing’s behind my parent’s back that I’m not proud of, but I knew they wouldn’t like it. I had to become older and more knowledgeable to understand why, but because they didn’t compromise on their values I ended up adopting many of theirs. Part of being a parent means you still have a responsibility to shape your child into a functional adult regardless of external factors. Giving up your values is like giving up on your child, unless you just never cared to be responsible in the first place.

As for my own household, my kids do play games that are violent, but not without my consent. I’m not worried about the violent content so much as lessons learned. Kids are going to be exposed to violence, so I need to provide context. We have had a lot of discussions about appropriate behavior and how to deal with others. There is more to this issue than game ratings though. I recently decided not to purchase Star Wars: The Force Unleashed because it just seems like such a cruel game. No real blood or gore, but the acts of cruelty you can inflict on the enemy seemed too over the top. Holding someone in midair and stabbing them with a lightsaber, flinging them into an abyss, or crushing them with nearby objects just disturbed me. I let my kids play the demo and regretted it. It was a Star Wars game and so I did not subject it to the usual scrutiny. That was a lesson learned for me as well. Our media focuses so much on blood, gore, and “realism” that I think they forget about intent. A game is not inappropriate based on gore, but why is the violence there?

I’m aware that my own methodology requires work, research, and diligence. I consider that par for the course of being a parent. Either you do your homework and hold yourself accountable or accept the fact you’re a crappy parent. You can say “I don’t want this stuff in my house”, but you’re going to have to hold your ground with people who will not “get you”. No matter what you do, being a responsible parent means you’re going to have to work for it. I’m not entirely convinced I’m a good parent, but I think I compare favorably with many people who never bother to question their parenting methods. Even though my kids have a pretty decent library of games they can play, I still get questions from people who find out about the games I won’t let my kids play. The common response is “What’s the big deal? It’s only a game!” Games aren’t just for kids anymore, and I refuse to act out of ignorance when I already know better.

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